Identity

In a culture where identity is everything not having one can make you feel as if you don’t even exist. Now this doesn’t mean I have to adhere to stereotypes I mean having labels are fine as long as you don’t exclude people. You can let someone with a different label into your world just don’t mistreat them because they might fit in or have room for another label. But I feel like I go through life without a label, any label at all, whenever I try to get myself one it just doesn’t feel right. It feels like I drift from group to group fad to fad constantly trying to find an image a design and identity that I can live with, I can make my own that I can model myself after yet I never fit. Yes labels are not important but it feels nice to have one that lets you know where to go or what to do when you’re feeling loss or alone with your thoughts. A direction, I don’t have that my mind says 1 thing, my reality says another my imagination’s often fricken in wonderland and I feel so torn. I don’t know where I’m going, what I am doing and really who I am. I am a 20 year old black man on the outside no a twenty yr old black shell because I couldn’t tell you what’s on the inside. Is it a vast rainbow ocean multiple things just waiting to get out into the world. Or is it just one thing that I’ve never been able to let myself see. Or is it just me, plain, simple average I don’t know. And until I find it, I won’t be satisfied.

I am a nerd, I am a fag, I am a geek I’m a hipster, I’m a follower, I am a creator, I’m a dreamer, I’m a lazy slob What? Who am I? Ive been on this world for 2 decades why don’t I know? As I keep moving to new places in my life I expect to find it expect to have it. Something I can feel, something I can see but I just don’t. I look in the mirror, I look at my selfies and aside from my face I don’t know what to call myself.

Like I said earlier I don’t want this ti bother me but it does. I hate not being able to say “this is what I am, this is where I’m going, this is what I’m doing I’m just this I’m just that I hate it I want something something real something I can be. And idenity that fits me like a glove that I can show share and (blank), Into the world I want my idenity

As I write this I think about taking its my mother letting her tell me it’s good or hoping that she said it’s good that I’ll be a writer that I’ll have a voice that this is my voice but I don’t know I can give it to her. I wanna post this everywhere and let the world say it’s great.

How I want it (it being my identity) to be given to me, I wanna wake up and know what it is. Maybe I do want someone just to tell me, what to do, who to be, how to act I don’t know.

One thing I do now this article needs an ending so that and it should probably be something to do with the identity message. I want to just put “who am I” that seem so generic. I try leaving on idenity but then something else comes up I think I just leave it with this.